Are you feeling too comfortable in your relationship? Have you noticed a lack of effort or excitement? Relationships are meant to be exciting and fulfilling, but it’s not uncommon for couples to fall into a state of complacency. When the initial spark fades away, it’s easy to become comfortable and settle into a routine. However, this can have negative consequences on the relationship.
What even is complacency?
Complacency in a relationship means you’re too comfortable in your relationship. To put it simply, you start doing nothing to improve your relationship.
This almost always can lead to one of two things: 1) you’re stuck in the same spot forever or 2) your relationship will decline.
You might wonder “But wait, isn’t it a good thing that I’m comfortable in my relationship?”
Yes, it is! It’s fantastic that you feel secure in your relationship. There is a line between comfort and complacency, though, and it’s very significant. Complacency means that you’re starting to fall into a rut of passivity, inaction, and a false sense of comfort. This means that you enter a rut where you stop trying to enhance your relationship, communication, and intimacy. You could even start noticing issues in your relationship but not dealing with them appropriately because you’re ‘comfortable.’
Understand that complacency can look different in each relationship so, if you’re unsure if your relationship is comfortable or complacent, ask yourself these questions:
- Has our relationship grown in the last few weeks or months?
- Do we communicate any better?
- Do I feel like we appreciate each other?
Your answers should hopefully give you some clarity and insight into your relationship.
Complacency Cons
Complacency could be called the relationship killer considering how many problems it causes. When you are complacent, you stop trying to grow or improve. This can mean that you stop putting in the effort you used to and stop doing the little things. This actually kills relationships more than you might think.
When you’re complacent, you’re likely not improving your relationship at all. That means you might argue with your partner more and lack the conflict resolution and communication skills to calm and improve the situation while preventing similar issues in the future. With the lack of improvement, you could eventually start noticing that your relationship is actually getting worse and that small issues are big deals now.
You’ll also generally start taking your partner for granted and not appreciating them as much. Think about it, if you don’t care much about the relationship you’re currently in, you might start caring less about your partner or even be more likely to cheat on them.
How to Avoid Complacency
So how do you avoid complacency?
Well, the first strategy involves pushing yourself to be less complacent with your life and self as a whole. Assess yourself by answering some serious questions (like, would you be happy dating yourself at this point in time?) and answer them without making excuses. You can also sit and think about if there’s anything else you want to accomplish or what other goals you have. Audit your life. Do you hang out with your own friends and have your own hobbies? Have you started trying to learn a new skill? Is there anything you wish you could do? If you’re not actively doing things that are getting you closer to those goals, you’re very likely in a complacent spot in your life and need to break the mold in your life.
The next strategy involves taking a genuine interest in your partner. What are their favorite things right now? What goals have they set for themselves? Is there anything they’re struggling with right now? Basically relearn (or adjust your knowledge) of your partner. This can help you stay empathetic and maintain a sense of care, knowledge, and understanding of them. A good way to build off of this strategy is to always be curious about them. There’s always more to learn, so keep looking for something more. We’re all constantly growing and changing, so get to know them through all of the different seasons of their life. If you remember that there’s always something more to learn, you’ll start to appreciate your partner and relationship more.
Strategy number 3 is SUPER easy, but it’s also easy to forget. You need to practice relationship centered gratitude. Think about all of the good parts of your relationship and all of the things you appreciate about your partner. If you want to spice up this strategy even more, you and your partner can both do this and then share all of the things you appreciate about each other with each other.
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Complacency isn’t something you should be scared of, and you definitely shouldn’t try to fight being healthily comfortable in your relationship. Just remember that complacency is a choice that you don’t have to make. You can choose to maintain a flourishing relationship that’s full of wonder and joy! If you need some more help with any of this, don’t hesitate to reach out to us at https://thattherapyspace.com/, by phone at (509) 800-7129, or by email at [email protected]. We are located in Liberty Lake, Washington, just minutes from Spokane, WA, and Coeur D’ Alene, ID. We offer both in person and virtual therapy options and would love to support you, no matter where you’re at in your relationship.