How to Revitalize Your Relationship

“How can I get the spark back in my relationship?”

That has to be one of the most frequently asked questions about relationships and it applies to everyone, not just people that have been together for years. That’s right, even couples that have only been together for 3 months can start worrying about complacency (AKA one of the most common causes for losing the spark in the first place). 

Complacency can kill relationships. When you’re complacent, you get too comfortable with how things are and you actually stop trying to make real improvements to keep moving onward and upward. Oftentimes, this can present itself as you and/or your partner putting less effort into the relationship. 

While this might sound bad, the good thing is that you can fix this. Read on to learn how!   

Signs You Have Complacency in your relationship  

It can be hard to notice that things aren’t working until it’s too late. That’s why it’s so important to know what to look for so you can prevent things from getting even worse. Here are a few signs that you (and/or your partner) are becoming complacent. 

  • You’re bored by your life and relationship. This often means that you’re not challenging yourself enough. 
  • You start slacking on your self care practices.
  • You stop caring about what your partner thinks and feels. 
  • You become passive and not as active as you used to be. A good example of this is when people start talking about how their partner isn’t doing the little things anymore. 
  • You start feeling like you’re just settling and/or like nothing in your relationship is going to change or grow. This kind of feeling can cause you to stop putting effort into your relationship. 
  • You’re constantly criticizing your partner or the relationship, without thinking about how it makes others feel. 
  • You start getting excited to get away from your partner OR you’re never away from them and don’t have your own hobbies. 
  • You have general feelings of disappointment and a lack of interest in your partner.
  • You feel disconnected from your partner.
  • You feel like you’re missing the spark.  

Any of these are red flags for complacency and can be damaging to your relationship. They can cause more frequent (and painful) disagreements and even lead to infidelity. 

Overcoming Complacency to Renew Your Relationship   

Now that you know some things to look out for, it’s time to talk about how to respond to complacency and fix complacent behaviors. As I’ve mentioned, complacency can cause you to lose interest in your partner and stop improving yourself, your relationship, and your life. A big way to combat complacent behaviors is to do the exact opposite of what complacent instincts might be telling you.   

A good place to start this shift is your mindset. Take a moment to actively work on shifting your mindset to acknowledge that relationships require consistent work and effort in order to be maintained (or grown). 

Next, you’ll want to start making those conscious efforts to build a connection with your partner. Focus more on your physical and emotional intimacy, take an interest in your partner and what’s happening in their personal life. Start doing the little things again (like complimenting your partner, leaving them notes, etc). Find ways to spend time with your partner and rebuild your relationship. The big thing in this part is making sure you and your partner are creating an environment where you understand each other better and are growing together, rather than staying stagnant separately. 

The next part consists of shaking up your daily routine and taking steps to stop being complacent in your daily life. Complacency in one part of your life can negatively affect other parts of your life, so try to find room for improvement in all areas of your life. Try starting a new hobby or going to a class to learn a new skill. Maybe you could improve something as simple as your sleep schedule. Whatever the case, make a conscious effort to improve your life. 

While complacency can seem like you’re just finally settling into the comfort of your life together, complacency can actually signify the beginning of the end. If you ever start to wonder if your relationship is starting to get stagnant, review this blog post and see if any of the signs of complacency resonate. If they do (or if you’re still unsure) reach out to us at, by phone at (509) 800-7129, or by email at [email protected]. We are located in Liberty Lake, Washington, just minutes from Spokane, WA, and Coeur D’ Alene, ID. We offer both in person and virtual therapy options and would love to support you, no matter where you’re at in your relationship.

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