Infidelity (AKA cheating) is a massive obstacle for couples to overcome. There are layers of broken trust that would have to be rebuilt for a relationship to continue afterward. With this in mind, it’s easy to see how it can be nearly impossible to save a relationship that’s been tarnished by infidelity.
The decision to continue with the relationship is often left up to the partner who was cheated on. They can decide to either end the relationship and move on, or they can decide to try and save the relationship with their partner. Some factors that might go into this partner’s decision are the length of time they’ve been together, the depth of their relationship, and potential family situations (like having children, etc.).
If you find yourself on either side of a situation like this, it’s important to know what mistakes you should avoid when trying to reconcile with your partner. Here are a few common mistakes to avoid when reconnecting with your partner after infidelity.
On Making Big Decisions
It’s common to get so caught up in the heat of the moment that you say or do things that you can’t take back. Especially because our gut instinct after finding out that we’ve been betrayed can be lashing out. It’s important to make sure you’re not making any significant decisions until you have had enough time to think things over and make a decision that you’ll be happy with in the long run.
On Allowing Yourself to Feel
While we’ve just talked about not lashing out, it’s vital to ensure you’re allowing yourself to fully experience your emotions. This is a complicated circumstance with complicated feelings surrounding it. You’re allowed to feel, so make sure you’re not invalidating your emotions or forcing yourself to “just get over it.”
On Self Care
It’s important to make sure you’re not neglecting yourself after you’ve been cheated on. First, you should both get tested for STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases) to make sure you don’t need to get treated for anything. Then you need to ensure you’re still following up with your usual self-care practices. You can ask a doctor, counselor, or therapist for help managing your grief and strategies for moving forward.
On Questioning
It can be tempting to ask your partner questions about the when, where, why, how, and with whom regarding their infidelity. Especially considering the shock you could likely be in after finding out. All that said, it’s important to make sure you don’t ask questions that could lead you to get hurt. Instead, ask general questions.
On Telling Friends and Family
When you’re going through something serious, an instinct might be to tell your family and friends. There’s nothing inherently wrong with leaning on the support of your peers. Still, it is essential to remember that if you continue to have a relationship with the person who cheated on you, you should talk to them about it first. You should tell them you’re planning on telling someone about how you’ve been cheated on. This is especially important if you’re talking to people about it that your partner may interact with after you decide to stay together (if that is what you decide to do).
On Children
If you have children, it’s important to ensure they’re not involved in what’s happening. They shouldn’t be used as bargaining chips, roped into conversations, or told stories about either partner by either partner. This can affect how the child sees their parents, and it’s important to ensure they’re allowed to have their own personal opinions of their parents.
On Contacting The Other Person
While it could be tempting to contact the person your partner cheated on you with, it’s actually a huge mistake. Some people consider this a part of their closure process, but it can lead to more drama you don’t want or need.
On Counseling
Whatever you decide to do with your relationship after you or your partner has cheated, you could benefit from counseling. This is especially helpful for working through thoughts and feelings, coping, getting closure, and reconnecting with each other.
Counseling can be really helpful for fixing a relationship post-infidelity. It can help you rebuild the trust you need to have a healthy relationship. This is especially helpful because it can be difficult to even know where to start fixing things after you’ve cheated or been cheated on.
Continuing on in a relationship after there’s been infidelity is a tough decision to make. Just know that if you decide to try and work things out, there’s a chance that you’ll come out stronger on the other side. If you decide that the relationship is over, that’s fine too. Know that you don’t have to go through any of this alone.
We’re here for you if you need support with anything, including deciding what to do with your relationship or working through the emotions that arose from cheating or being cheated on. We can also help you piece the relationship together. You can find us on our website at https://thattherapyspace.com/, by phone at (509) 800-7129, or by email at [email protected]. We are located in Liberty Lake, Washington, just minutes from Spokane, WA, and Coeur D’ Alene, ID.