Infidelity can definitely be a traumatic experience, especially if you’re the betrayed partner. With traumatic experiences, there can be a variety of triggers (intrusive thoughts and emotions that remind you of a traumatic event). Experiencing infidelity (cheating) can completely destabilize your life. It takes a lot of work to make it through the initial situation, so a trigger that makes you feel like it’s happening again can be especially damaging.
For the partner that engaged in infidelity, there can also be triggers. This is especially true if they’re experiencing feelings of guilt, remorse, and shame.
Can you heal?
Despite the trauma that can come from experiencing infidelity, you can heal from it. It will take a lot of time and effort, but you could even rebuild the relationship after infidelity. That will largely depend on what your relationship was like before the cheating. If you had a strong enough relationship before infidelity, you could likely recover from it. In many cases, couples recovering from infidelity come out stronger on the other side. You will have to practice emotional regulation, though. One of the best places to start practicing emotional regulation is managing infidelity triggers.
You can get triggered by literally anything. Maybe it’s a movie or a song, or even a place. Even dates that used to be special (or insignificant) can be triggering. Whatever the trigger is, understanding what they are and how to move through them is a huge step toward healing.
How to Navigate Infidelity triggers
Know That Triggers are Going to Exist
Infidelity is an intense thing to experience. The triggers themselves can be overwhelming. If you have triggers, you’re not alone or in the wrong. So many people experience infidelity triggers. They’re so common that the term “post-infidelity stress disorder” has been created. Don’t feel guilty for having triggers and instead accept them as part of the healing process. Everything that you’re feeling is valid, so don’t allow anyone to make you feel like you’re being dramatic or overreacting.
Identify Your Triggers
Understanding and sharing your triggers with each other can help you both avoid or handle them better. You’ll be able to anticipate them better and, by extension, reduce how extreme your emotional response feels.
Be Fully Transparent
One of the most critical steps to healing is transparency or full honesty. This goes for handling any triggers and reconciliation. The cheating partner must be honest about what happened and why. This honesty could even open up a new way of communicating for both of you.
It’s also essential to apply this honesty to talking about your emotions. Don’t try to hide your feelings. Being honest about them can help you work through them better, whereas keeping them locked up can increase your triggers and their frequency or severity.
Practice Self-Care
After cheating or being cheated on, you can find yourself in extreme distress. While in this state, you must ensure that you’re still practicing self-care. You might have some difficulty doing this, but it will give you the strength you need to work through this time. Routine can be very helpful while you’re working through infidelity. Here are some things to include in a self-care routine.
- Eating healthy foods
- Establishing a sleep schedule
- Exercising
- Time for relaxing and unwinding
- Getting help from your support system
Have a Support System
If you’re in a position to lean on each other, you can support each other as you work through this difficult time. It can be difficult, and you will need time and space, but supporting each other can bring healing.
If it’s too difficult to lean on your partner, try finding a support group or leaning on a close, trusted friend.
The Role of Couples Therapy
There’s so much happening in situations involving infidelity. The emotions and intensity of the situation can make it feel nearly impossible to be a couple. That said, it can be easier to work through your feelings and the situation with the help of a therapist.
We’re here for you if you need support, including deciding what to do with your relationship or working through the emotions that arose from cheating or being cheated on. We can also help you piece the relationship together. You can find us on our website at https://thattherapyspace.com/, by phone at (509) 800-7129, or by email at [email protected]. We are located in Liberty Lake, Washington, just minutes from Spokane, WA, and Coeur D’ Alene, ID.