Every skill requires practice. Then we need frequent practice to keep those skills sharp and to continue growing. That’s true for sports, the arts, and even relationships. We must be taught how to have good relationships and practice regularly, just like anything else.
This is evidenced by the way children can sometimes interact with each other before they learn how to have good relationships. It can also be seen in the way people interact with others when they have yet to be taught what a healthy relationship looks like.
Most things are more enjoyable when you’ve had time to prepare or have been taught well, so you’re set up for success. Unfortunately, not everyone is set up for success in their relationships. They have to go through trial and error, which can be exhausting and damaging, especially in relationships. In a relationship, trial and error can push our partners to their breaking point. This can be extremely harmful to our relationships, though.
That’s where premarital counseling comes in. Starting premarital counseling before you marry can help set your relationship up for success. It can give you the tools you need to work through conflicts in a way that doesn’t cause bigger rifts. Read on for some of the best lessons from premarital counseling.
Communication is Key
Healthy communication is vital for any healthy relationship. Poor communication is one of the most common causes of a failed relationship. Learning effective communication as we grow up can be challenging because most people we interact with don’t even know how to communicate effectively. Just because we might not know how to communicate doesn’t mean we can’t learn how or that other people haven’t studied communication.
We have to develop a sense of security in our relationships before we can reach a point where we can be vulnerable with each other. It can take time, effort, and care, but it’s possible. Working to improve your communication before you get married can set you up for success at any point in your relationship. It can allow you to be open to talking about stressful situations with each other effectively. Once we learn to communicate effectively, we open ourselves to a new world of trust, safety, and vulnerability.
This helps with conflict resolution, stability, trust, and cohesiveness. Good communication can also teach you to be proactive and fix problems before they become arguments.
How to Solve Conflict
A common issue in any relationship is conflict resolution. There are few people that know how to solve a problem in a way that’s gentle, kind, and calm. This is especially true if you grew up in a household that resolved conflict in a stressful way. When we grow up, we either copy those patterns and behaviors or do something completely different in response. Either way, this doesn’t set you up for a happy and healthy marriage.
Understanding conflict is critical in learning to grow as an individual and a couple. Working on this together can help you learn how to grow together, despite any personality barriers.
Issues from Childhood
In this article alone, I’ve already discussed how your upbringing can affect your relationships. You pick up behaviors and beliefs from what you’ve seen growing up. It’s important to talk through potential harms in childhood before you get married, so you understand how they affect you and how to work through them. As you work through your problems together, you can be brought closer together as you discover how similar you might be.
Having a Vision
Having a vision for your life is incredibly important. Having a vision can help you establish goals and develop a plan of action for how you’ll achieve them. If you and your partner have a vision for your relationship, you will be on the same page when you start your lives together. You’ll also be able to understand how to work together to achieve the life of your dreams.
As a couple, think about what you want your future to be like. Think about the things that you both value. What do you have to be able to do to achieve those things? Do you want to travel every year? Get a house in the suburbs and have kids? Or move to the city together with your dog? Think about the nuances of your life together. Talk about your desires, both big and small, and work together to plan a way to achieve them.
Understand Your Dynamic
There’s a specific type of dynamic in each relationship, but if that’s not discussed, it can be easy to accidentally step on someone’s toes. That’s why it’s important to discuss your expectations for each other before you marry. This applies to all aspects of your life together. This can help ensure fewer surprises (that could lead to conflict) as your marriage progresses.
Clarity on Values
Every person has their own personal values, habits, and financial situations. These can all be stressful, particularly if they’re conflicting views. This is especially true for financial situations and personal values. Ensure you are clear on these before you get married to prevent stress over these topics.
Communicate honestly with each other. Come to an agreement on priorities, a budget, and necessary compromises. Get on the same page with each other before it starts causing issues in your marriage.
Views on Intimacy
Many couples struggle with knowing how to keep romance and desire alive. How do you maintain that spark, even after you’ve been together for years? The key to this usually lies in intimacy. Each person has their own definition of intimacy, so it’s important to talk to your partner about their definition. With this knowledge, you can work together to keep your marriage successful in the long run and keep up that spark.
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As you can see, there are several important lessons that you can learn from premarital counseling. If you’re interested in premarital counseling or want additional help, you can find us on our website at https://thattherapyspace.com/, by phone at (509) 800-7129, or by email at [email protected]. We are located in Liberty Lake, Washington, just minutes from Spokane, WA, and Coeur D’ Alene, ID.